hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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