wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
