Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you inspire me to be a worse person
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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