And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize