Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
