he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
