I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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