I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
