Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Your penis caused this!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
