Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
