Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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