you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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