So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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