this beer tastes like vomit already
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
