Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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