we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
