i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
