billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
