It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
