thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
