Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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