You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
