would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Someone shattered a urinal.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
