some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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