If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
