I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
