I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Are my feet made of real feet?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
