just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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