Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
