my mouth tastes like poor choices
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
