i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
