It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
