I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
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i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
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I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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