I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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