You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I will be naked everywhere
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
