This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Sext me about skeletons
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
