I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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