how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
