Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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