come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
