How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
