redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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