My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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