So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
