I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
