so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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