That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
