a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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