wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
