You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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