have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize