1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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