i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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