Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
