I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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