if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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