well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
