we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Randomize
