not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
