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Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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