You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
