Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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