There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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