doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
