i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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