Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
