he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
